Beating Heart
by allie0011
Summary: She left four years ago without saying a word. He wondered if he could love someone the way he loved her. She was once damage, but is now repaired. Who is that "she" you may ask? No other than the Meredith Grey. Will Derek Shepherd be able to win Meredith's heart over again, or will he lose her to her fiancé? Set after 4x11.
1. Chapter 1

_**CHAPTER ONE**_

_"Attention all passengers. In the final preparations for landing, please return your seat back to the full upright position, put up your tray tables, and place all carry on luggage under the seat in front of you. Electronic devices must also be turned off at this time. Flight attendants will be walking through the cabin to pick up any remaining service items. We will be arriving at our destination soon. We hope you enjoyed your flight and thank you for using American Airlines." _

The intercom beeped off and everyone proceeded to put all their devices and luggage away before fastening their seat belts. Flight attendants paced through the aisles back and forth making sure everything was prepared for landing.

Meredith latched her hands on to the two arm rest beside her. Taking a deep breath in, she took a moment to remember all the events that had taken place in her life, in the past four years.

California was a way different scenery than Seattle. It was sunny and warm most of the time, while Seattle tended to be rainy and cool.

In the sunny state of California, everyone wore their swimwear underneath their tank tops and shorts, along with carrying a surfboard under their arm. It was not unlikely to come across a few beach bums during the day, and spotting a celebrity here and there was not too rare either. If you stayed in the sun long enough it would give you a Sunkist tan and the city of angels would scream your name from the Hollywood sign.

Back in Seattle, wearing water resistant clothing and carrying an umbrella with you at all times was normal. It was not sunny all the time, therefore you were blessed if you were a shade darker than a piece of copy paper. People did not really care about celebrities, but they did visit the Space Needle here and there.

Meredith discovered that she liked California, and would not mind returning in the future. It had been a good home to her for the time being, and the people treated her with nothing but kindness. She would miss them dearly, but it was time to return back to her old home. _Seattle._

The UCSF Medical Hospital had been kind enough to welcome Meredith with open arms and let her reside their for the next four years in order for her to finish her residency. Her knowledge intake had grown tremendously since she arrived there, and she felt even more prepared to begin her fellowship. Working side by side with Thomas Cole had helped her improve her neuro skills. Although she worshipped the one on one time with him, UCSF was not where she wanted to do her fellowship. Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital was the lead runner.

When she received her packet from SGMW, she took it as a sign and realized it was time to come home. Picking up her phone, she called Richard to inform him that she would be accepting his offer to return to SGMW. Welcoming her once again, she hung up the phone and rushed to contact Cristina.

Cristina had constantly been in touch with Meredith since the day she had gotten on the plane to depart. She needed her person, whether she be in the same facility as her or not. Meredith made it one of her main priorities to keep in contact with Izzie, George, and Alex as well, and also communicating with her half sister, Lexie.

In the four years on her own, Meredith manage to seek help for her trust and abandonment issues. She finally dealt with the passing of her mother, and deemed forgiveness to her father. She learned to take better care of herself, and not always run to her old friend, _Jose._ Meredith could finally say she had found herself, and knew just what she wanted in life. With the acceptance of Derek Shepherd of course.

She could not forget the man who stole her heart and soul those many years ago. Meredith would be lying to herself if she said that she did not still have dreams about him. Although a part of her still longed to feel his touch, another part of her resented him for kissing Rose. He said he would wait for her, but went against his promise. "_Actions speak louder than words." _Meredith said to herself in her head.

Derek was a piece of the puzzle left unsolved. She did not know where he stood in her life. He had taught her that love really did exist, but he had also made her aware of what heartbreak felt like.

Looking down at her hand, her eyes rested upon her engagement ring. Derek would always have a place in her heart, and she would always love him. Luke was a great guy and came into her life at what felt like the right time. She knew the she loved him, no doubt in her mind. She did at times, have doubts if she was in love with him.

Meredith's thoughts were interrupted by the intercom, and she did not even realize the plane had already landed. She began to unfasten her seat belt and turn on her phone to alert Cristina that she had arrived safetly.

Exiting the gate, she kept a good pace walking to get her luggage. Being back in Seattle, she wanted to take much of it in as she could. Of course there was a light drizzle outside, and the sun was no where to be found.

Coming upon the escalator, she stepped on. Looking off in the distance, she could see Cristina waiting rather impatiently for Meredith to arrive. Meredith lifted her hand to give her a wave, and Cristina waved back quickly.

"I know we don't do hugs, but L.A. has worn off on me some." Meredith giggled, giving her person a hug.

"A little?" Cristina smirked. "You're more tan than when I last saw you and there is no way in hell I could have gotten you in a skirt back when you lived here."

Meredith looked down at herself. She was wearing a nice blouse with a basic black pencil skirt. She tried to look more professional these days. Or tried to pay the part to say the least. "I have a meeting with Richard today, and didn't want to worry about having to change once I landed here."

Meredith and Cristina had managed to get her luggage and get in Cristina's car before the rain began to set in.

"When is Luke coming in?"

"Within the next week. He was finishing up some last minute details, but told me to go ahead and come." Meredith sighed.

Cristina looked over at Meredith. She was different. Not in a bad way, but still very different. She had left damaged, and returned repaired. Cristina got that Luke was a great guy and treated Meredith with all the respect in the world, but she knew that once he stepped foot in Seattle he didn't stand a chance.

"Need space?" Cristina laughed, but then realized Meredith's reaction was the total opposite.

"I love Luke." Meredith assured her.

"You just don't know if you're in love with him."

Meredith shrugged her shoulders, as if saying 'I guess'.

"There had to have been some reason you said yes to his proposal."

"He's good to me and has never once left my side in the three years I've known him," Meredith told Cristina. "so I owe him this."

"First off, you don't _owe_ Luke anything. Marriage is a big commitment Mer, and if you aren't ready or feel that Luke is that person for you, you need to be honest with him. And _yourself _for that matter."

Meredith nodded her head in agreement. "I get that but,"

"You still have unfinished business left to tend to with a certain someone as well. If I were you," Cristina said, turning to look at Meredith. "I would get that taken care of before Luke gets in town."

They had almost reached the hospital and she was ready to get through this meeting and get home. She had a lot to do before her first day and a lot to do before Luke arrived.

**Please review and tell me what you think. I have had this idea in my head for awhile, and finally decided to sit down and write it out. I will try to update in the next couple of days, depending on the reviews I get. I am new to this, so please take it easy on me. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Meredith walked in SGMW with luggage in tow. She quickly began walking towards the set of elevators. Cristina had dropped Meredith off, Meredith assuring Cristina she would take a cab back to her and Luke's new loft. It was evening time in Seattle, and things seemed to be piping down at the hospital.

She did not see any familiar faces as she made her way to Richard's office. Everything seemed to be the same, except rather different at the same time. The old coffee cart was at the same place as it always had been, interns and residents ran through the halls rushing to complete their assignments, and nurses still stood in circles behind stations in order to gossip about the latest news. Meredith knew it would not be long before her presence was recognized, and her name spread like wildfire.

Almost reaching Richard's office, Meredith came to the conculsion that maybe it _was _herself that had the major change. At UCSF, Starbuck's was the old coffee carts, interns and residents were more calm and collected, and nurses spent all their energy on helping assist patients needs. She no longer got caught up in gossip, and her name was not thrown around like a hot potato.

After her mental analysis, she had finally found herself walking towards Patricia's front desk. Looking up from her paperwork to relax her eyes for brief moment, Patricia noticed the familiar petitie blonde coming towards her.

"Richard told me to draw up Employment Verification forms with your name on them, and I could not believe my ears." Patricia said, shaking her head and getting up out of her office chair. "Now tell me, was leaving all this behind worth going to live by the Golden Gate Bridge?"

Meredith giggled at the small joke and gave Patricia a hug. "I guess you could say it was for awhile, but I missed the big traumas along with the smell of sweat and surgery, and the sound of egotistical nurses chit-chatting their days away."

"They're worse than ever I'm afraid," Patricia warned her with a playful smile. "but I'm sure you'll get use to it again. It's only a matter of time."

Meredith gave her a smile. She enjoyed Patricia's company, but her body was physically and mentally tired from the flight. She wanted to speed up the process as much as she could. "Is Richard in? I had told him I would be in as soon as my flight had arrived but there was a little bit of a delay taking off."

"Yes, he is expecting you at any moment. Please feel free to stop by and see me whenever you get the chance. I would love to hear all about your little adventure on the west coast."

Meredith nodded her head, walking back towards the Chief's office. The luggage behind her was really weighing in on her, and she began to ask herself why she did not just leave it at the front with Patricia.

She came upon the large, wood door and took in a yet another deep breath. Bringing her right hand up, she knocked twice.

"Come in!" She heard Richard speak. Turning the handle, she opened the door to reveal herself.

"Meredith," Richard exclaimed, jumping out of his chair. "it's so good to have you back."

Meredith smiled, giving her third hug today. "I'm glad to be back, thank you."

"I should be thanking you. I didn't think you would return back to Seattle. I was losing hope."

"Well here I am." She giggled. "I'm here to stay."

"I bet your friends are all thrilled you're back."

"Actually, the only person that knows I'm here is Cristina. I asked her to keep it that way until I made sure everything was going to go through okay."

"I understand that. I'm glad you arrived safely. How was your flight?"

"It was great. I'm just tired. It's been a week trying to finish up all the last minute preparations before coming here." Meredith said, resting her head on her left fist.

"What is this I see on your finger?" Richard asked, pointing his head towards her left hand at the ring that was becoming a distraction.

Meredith looked down at her hand. Luke had proposed to her a couple months back, so wearing the ring on her finger felt natural and most of the time she forgot she even had it on. "His name is Luke," She paused before giving a smile. "he's an attorney. He hopes to open his own practice some time soon. He's coming here to live with me as well. He had to finish up some last minute things at his office before he transferred here, so I should be expecting him within the next week.

Richard and Meredith continued to talk casually, and Richard had Patricia bring in the employee documents and contract he had asked her to draw up. Together, they went over each page and forty-five minutes later Meredith was gathering her luggage and saying goodbye.

"She seems happier now." Patricia spoke, collecting all the paperwork off of Richard's desk. "Maybe I should get out of this state for awhile."

Richard chuckled. "Now you know I need you here. I can barely run this place for a day without you by my side."

"_Men_." Patricia laughed, walking out.

Richard began putting files and paperwork into his briefcase. He was heading out on a date with Katherine, and could not wait for the much needed time alone with her. After Adele's passing two years ago, Richard knew if he did not put himself out there he never would. Katherine Avery was a perfect match for him, and reminded him a lot of Ellis.

There was not a day that went by that Richard Webber did not think of Ellis Grey. He loved her wholeheartedly, and resented himself for feeling this way. He loved Adele as well, but it never compared to the love he had shared with her. The bond between them was extraordinary.

He was relieved when he got the call from Meredith that she was returning to Seattle and accepting the SGMW fellowship. He never forgot the promise he had made to Ellis years ago before she passed away. He remembered telling her that he would always look after her daughter, and be there for her when she needed anything. With Meredith living in a different state, he felt he no longer followed through with his promise.

Meredith's engagement was a shock to Richard, to say the least. He was happy that she had found peace with herself, and that she had found someone that was willing to go to the end of the Earth for her. It was almost impossible to picture her with anyone other than Derek Shepherd though.

Derek Shepherd was a brilliant surgeon. His work was remarkable, and his talent was untouchable. He was a good person through and through, and cared deeply for the people around him.

There was no one he loved and cared for more than Meredith Grey. Even after her sudden and not so expected departure, Derek still longed for the blonde headed beauty.

Richard noticed the women come and go for Derek, and to that day Derek still was not satisfied with any woman he had been with. With the acceptance of Meredith. Richard only hoped that the two individuals would not make the same mistakes him and Ellis had made many years ago.

"I've been waiting for quite sometime downstairs in the lobby." Katherine spoke.

Richard's thoughts were interupted by her presence, and a smile approached his face. "I'm sorry. I haven't been myself today. Let me just finish putting these papers in here, and we can go."

"Are you sure? We can always do this another night." Katherine frowned, walked closer to his desk.

"I've been waiting all day for this moment." Richard said, closing his briefcase and walked around to met her. "I'm not about to let you slip away from my grasp. Let's go."

Meredith sighed. She rested her feet on the coffee table that sat infront of her new leather couch. Cristina had let the movers in last week in order for them to come in and furnish the place. Without Cristina's help this past month, the transition from California back to Seattle would not have been easy.

A loud ring was coming from the kitchen, and instantly Meredith knew it was Luke. It was pretty late, and she knew he had been working nights in order to be able to take the job in Seattle. She sometimes feared that the two of them would drift apart, seeing as they both had two different occupations. Luke always manage to make time for her, and would never go a day without making some attempt to see her.

Meredith picked her phone up off the counter and proceeded to hit the 'accept' key on her phone screen. She brought the phone up to her ear, smiling when she heard his voice through the speaker.

"You know, I'm starting to think this whole 'I'll see you in a week' thing is a horrible idea." Luke joked.

"Oh really? I think it's a wonderful idea." Meredith giggled, walking back over to the couch in the living area.

"It's a horrible idea. I miss that gorgeous face of yours. Your giggle makes it even harder as well."

"A week will be here before you know it. Then you'll be begging me to leave you."

"To leave me? Never." Luke smiled. "I like you too much. How was your flight?"

"It was fine. A little delay taking off, but other than that everything went smoothly. Even got my paperwork for the hospital out of the way." Meredith said, feeling accomplished with the day.

"I'm proud of you baby." Luke told her, sighing at all the paperwork on his desk. "I really hate to go, but I need to finish up a couple documents before I head home. I can't wait to see you and don't let any strangers try to take my place before I get there."

Meredith laughed. "I'll try not to let them."

"I love you, Meredith." Luke breathed into the phone.

"I love you too." She smiled, before hitting the 'end' button.

It was just another night at the Emerald City Bar. Tables were filled and not a single barstool was empty up at the bar. Televisions were blaring with local news, sports, and your occasional UFC fights. The jukebox was playing rock tunes in the background, and Joe was pacing up and down the bar in order to make sure everyone was satisfied with their drinks or food.

"I tell you Derek," Mark grinned, taking a swig of his beer. "tonight is the night."

"Tonight? I'm not feeling it." Derek said, shaking his head.

"I'm growing impatient man. I've had numerous sleepovers in Grey's old attic, and I don't think I can take another night." Mark complained.

Derek frowned at the mention of Meredith's last name. It had been four years since he had last seen her face. Never once did he recieve a phone call, text, email, or even a letter to let him know if she was safe or _at least _doing alright. He had tried to ask her friends where she was, but Yang was the first to inform him that he no longer had the right to know of her where abouts.

He agreed with that statement for the most part. Him and Meredith were broken up.

Nada.

Nothing.

Over.

Done.

Finished.

Derek never imagined Meredith leaving Seattle. The week after their last and horrific encounter, they both ignored each others presence. He might have seen her twice that week, and everytime they came in contact either of them had nothing to say. He regretted his actions from that week most days. He was just tired of being an option to her, and he had finally got his point across. He never thought it would cause her to leave. Not once did he think that.

"How long did it take you to move in with Emily?"

Derek sighed. Emily was a wonderful woman. She had light brown hair, brown eyes, and was average height. He met her at the deli down the street from the hospital, and found that she was the first woman to bring him some bit of relief since Meredith left town. He loved Emily for the kindhearted person she was, although he could not help but notice that the love for her and the love he had for Meredith where totally opposite of each other.

Moving in with Emily was spur of the moment. She had put him on the spot, and he felt that anything other than a 'yes' would have broken her heart. Derek had thought that they were casually dating, but apparently Emily thought otherwise. They had been together for a little over a year and half, and Emily was starting to drop hints of an engagement. Derek tried to stir clear of the subject, but it seemed to be all she wanted to talk about lately.

"A little over eight months." Derek answered.

"Lex and I have been together six months. Were only two months away from the olotted time period." Mark argued.

"Go ahead and ask her Mark." Derek told his best friend. "I wouldn't waste any time."

"I thought you just said tonight wasn't the night?" Mark asked.

"I changed my mind. If you really want to be with her and you really want this, don't waste another moment being without her."

Mark looked over at Derek. He watched him take a drink of his beer before setting his glass back down on the hard surface of the bar. He knew his best friend was not happy with his current relationship. He had tried to get any information he could out of Lexie, but she had sworn to secrecy that should would not tell a soul where her sister had ran off to. After a few attempts, Mark finally got the hint and never brought up Meredith Grey to her again.

"Thanks for being here for me man. I don't know what I would do without you." Mark grinned, grabbing Derek's shoulder and giving him a shake.

"What did you do that whole time you were screwing my ex-wife?" Derek laughed, getting up and slapping some change down on the bar.

"I thought that was a forbidden subject!" Mark whinned, following Derek out the door of Joe's.

**So there you have it. A little background on Meredith, Richard, and Derek. I love reading all the reviews** **and hope you continue to enjoy the story as much as I enjoy writing it. I'll try to get in as many updates as I can. Thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

_**CHAPTER THREE**_

The hospital was a busy place. Nurses ran orders while trying to get charts situated, patients looked after, and supplies stocked. Interns got ready in their lockers rooms, each communicating with one another to see which resident they had, and who they would be spending the next few years of their lives with. Residents checked around making sure all preparations for the interns were in place, then began to search for traumas. Fellows met downstairs in the cafeteria for a welcoming brunch, and each of them were relieved that they did not have any responsibilities upstairs to worry about besides the ones that were wheeled in today.

"This danish is stale." Alex scouffed, spitting out the contents in his mouth with a sour look on his face.

"Yeah, so is this muffin." George said, sitting it back down on the pastery table and shaking his head in the process.

"I don't get it." Izzie sighed, picking up a cinnamon roll to inspect it. "The hospital can spend five-hundered grand on a nice medical machine, but not any decent money on _any _decent food."

Cristina rolled her eyes at the conversation. She did not give a damn about food. She also did not care about the weather or Alex and Izzie's bickering about who left the toliet seat up at the house.

This was why it was one of the many reasons Cristina had a bit of relief that Meredith was back in Seattle. She loved her friends from the bottom of her heart, even though she never really showed it. It was just the fact that Meredith understood her better than any of them ever would.

"Where is Meredith?" Cristina thought, crossing her arms over her chest. Meredith had yet to tell anyone she was back. It had been a couple days since she had arrived, but she told Cristina she would let it be a surprise when she returned to the hospital.

"Attention everyone, attention!" Patricia yelled amongst the crowd, stepping up onto a tiny stepping-stool. "The Chief of Surgery would like to have a few words with everyone before you began your first day."

Richard looked at Patricia, nodding his head in order to say 'thanks'. He looked around at all the staff, noticing both new and familiar faces. "Today is a first day for many of you."

Cristina zoned out. She had heard this speech year after year since she was an intern and did not care to hear it again. All she cared about was surgeries. After all, that was what she was here to do. Cristina envied Meredith for bailing out of this overrated brunch, and thought only Meredith Grey could get away with not showing up.

She was late. Not just a couple minutes late, _really_ late.

Growing frantic, Meredith double checked to make sure she had everything for her first day back at SGMW. "Badge, pager, labcoat, and scrubs. All a check." Meredith said to herself, checking her bag and grabbing her keys off the kitchen counter. Making her way to the door, she began to hear her cell phone ring.

"Damn it!" Meredith exclaimed, turning around to go back over to the kitchen counter where her phone lay. Looking at the screen, she saw 'Cristina' flash across the top. She slid her finger across the glossy surface, accepting the call.

"You're the only person I know that could never be on time to save her life."

Meredith let out a deep breath. "I could have sworn I set my alarm on my phone last night."

"You know, I wish I would've thought of that. I _don't _do brunches." Cristina complained. "You didn't miss anything important. Just the same, 'This is a first day for many of you and remember this is a place of business, a hospital people. _Not _a whore house."

"He said that?" Meredith giggled at Cristina's impression of the Chief.

"Not those exact words but in that manor." Cristina sighed, walking into the attendings lounge. "I guess I'll let you go. I just wanted to see when you would be here, or if you were here where you were hiding."

"No need to hide." Meredith assured her. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

She hung up the phone and got in her car. As she made her way through the different streets and towards the hospital, she grew more and more anxious.

Luke had promised her last night on the phone that everything would be great on her first day back. So far she was not buying that. Meredith had woken up late on regards to her alarm not being set, spilt coffee all down the first outfit she put on, and was now stuck in traffic on the highway. If things did not start looking up within the day, she would have to say it was a sign that picking up her life and moving back once again, was not the best decision.

Derek pulled into his usual parking spot and turned off the ignition. He gathered his briefcase and proceeded to get out of car and on with his day.

"I just got to work," He breathed into the phone, walking towards the hospital entrance. "I'll call you if I end up being later than expected tonight."

"Have a good day at work, Der." Emily smiled. "I love you."

"You too." Derek said, pressing the red button on his phone. He had spent the night at the trailer last night, telling Emily he needed the space and silence to work on some extra paperwork before tomorrow. Of course it was an excuse. Talking to her this morning was the first he heard from her in a couple days.

He could not help but feel guilty just _talking _to Emily. She was great, and _did _manage to make him happy. He just came to the conclusion it was going no where fast. He needed a sign though. A sign that ending their almost two year relationship was the right thing to do. He knew he was not being fair to her, or fair to himself for that matter.

It was exceptionally sunny in Seattle. There was not a single cloud in sight and the air did not hold its usual moisture. It was rare that the people of Seattle saw a day like this.

Derek walked through the entrance of the hospital and towards the elevators. He skipped out on getting coffee, deciding to wait tell he got to his office to see what was inside his minature fridgerator.

Stepping onto the elevator, he stood at the back. He watched as one by one it began to fill up. Getting out his phone, he checked to see what his schedule looked like for the day. When he looked up from the tiny screen for a brief moment to give his eyes a rest, Derek could no longer see towards the front of the elevator. He sighed, knowing that it would be a long elevator ride, and looked back down at his phone.

He heard the elevator doors come together, and continued to look at his schedule. He had spaced out, but heard an intern ask about the billing office.

"The basement." He replied noticing a light, soft voice collide with his own. Derek looked up from his phone, trying to search through the few people standing in front of him. For a moment he thought he had heard Meredith's voice, but shook it off.

"It's just my head talking." He thought to himself.

Meredith rushed from the parking lot, inside the entrance, and towards the elevators. She noticed an elevator becoming full of people, while others waited for the elevators to come in. She opted to take the one that was already growing full, knowing she could not risk being anymore late.

Stepping on, she became face to face with the elevator doors. Doctors, nurses, and family of patients were packed inside the tiny cubical area. Meredith was greatful her stop was first, considering she could not budge from her spot. Looking down at her watch, she discovered that she was in fact, forty-five minutes late.

"Where's the billing office at?" A lowly intern asked from the middle of the small crowd.

"The basement." Meredith spoke, along with another recognizable voice. A voice that should knew like the back of her hand.

Panicing, the elevator 'dinged' and she watched as the number two lit up. As the door opened, Meredith quickly stepped off and headed towards the lounge.

"It's quiet. Too quiet." Jackson said, sitting on the couch in the attendings lounge.

It was unusual that the hospital be this quiet. No one was paged, no incoming traumas, and no surgeries to be schedule besides the one that were already taken.

"This fridge is _way_ better than the old one we had in the residents lounge." George gaulked but was ignore. He grabbed a yogurt from inside and retreated to the small table off to the side.

"It _is _quiet." Izzie and Alex agreed, both sitting and facing each other from the two faux leather chairs.

"Instead of complaining about it, why don't you _do_ something about it." Cristina implied, taking a seat next to Jackson and April on the couch.

"Why are you even in here, Yang?" Jackson asked. "Shouldn't you be out trolling for broken hearts and getting all the good surgeries?"

"Lets just say, I'm waiting for my motivation." Cristina smirked, placing her feet on the coffee table in front of her.

"Being at the hospital isn't motivation enough?" Jackson laughed.

"Nope."

The door opened to the lounge, and everyone except Cristina sat up quickly. Meredith walked in, stopping half way in the room to take a quick breath.

"You have no idea the hell I have gone through this morning just to get here."

Everyone sat puzzled for a moment, but Izzie quickly jumped up. "Meredith!"

Meredith smiled, giving each of her friends a hug. She stopped when she reached a brunette and a red head.

"We haven't met, but I'm assuming you're Meredith." April spoke, holding out her hand. "April Kepner."

"Meredith Grey." Meredith said, shaking April's hand.

"Oh my! I just adore your ring!"

Meredith giggled at the red head. "I adore it too."

"How long have you been engaged?" April asked, wanting to know more details.

"Going on three months."

"Jackson Avery." Jackson introduced himself, also giving her hand a shake. "Grey as in 'The Grey Method'?"

"Avery as in 'The Harper-Avery'?" Meredith asked.

"That is the one, I'm afraid." Jackson laughed. "Are you also in General?"

"Neuro." Meredith said, her eyes lighting up. "I'm more passionate about it and I get to make a name for myself."

"What are you doing here?" George asked Meredith, throwing his yogurt in the trash. "I thought you were in California?"

"What do you think dumbass, she lives here." Cristina said sarcastically.

"_Cristina_." Izzie pleaded. "Is this true, Mer?"

"Rightfully so."

"Grey just couldn't stay away from Seattle Grace Mercy _Death_." Alex spoke, but straightened up when he recieved a look from Izzie. "What about Luke?"

"He should be here in a few days." Meredith told him, looking down at her ring.

At about that time, everyones pagers began to go off. One by one, each of them looked down to check to see what it said.

"Five car pile-up. So much for a quiet day." Jackson said, taking off with April by his side.

"I guess we should go too." Alex sighed. "It's nice to have you back Mer."

Izzie gave Meredith one last hug before heading out of the lounge with Alex and George behind her. Meredith began to quickly get changed into her scrubs, along with putting on her labcoat. Cristina waited for Meredith as she put her shoes on, then together they both made their way toward the E.R.

The E.R. was packed full of patients in need of assistance. Alex was helping take care of a little boy that was in critical condition with Dr. Robbins. George was with an older man who had many severally broken bones and burns from his car catching fire. Mark was coming to assess his wounds. A wife and husband had been brought in, the husband needing emergency surgery right away. Derek had taken him to the O.R. in order to perform surgery. The wife was with Dr. Bailey and the Chief, being looked over for internal bleeding. Cristina had been paged to the O.R. on the way down, and was operating on a pregnant woman along with Izzie, April, and Dr. Hunt.

Meredith arrived just in time. A little girl had been transported in on a gurney with a head trauma.

"What do we have?" Meredith asked the EMT.

"Jane Doe. Female. Age seven. Seems to have hit her head pretty hard on the back of the seat from impact. She's been unconcious ever since. The parents were both unconscious as well, so we were not able to get a name."

Meredith looked over the girl. Her body seemed to be perfectly fine, no scratches or bruises. She did a quick neuro exam, taking her mini pocket light out to look into the small girl's pupils. She looked at the nurse next to her and gave her specific orders. "Have someone take her down for an M.R.I. After that, have them page me to look over the scans."

"Anyone specific Dr. Grey?" The nurse asked.

"Grey, Lexie Grey." Meredith said with a smile.

"Sorry Dr. Grey, but she's already with Dr. Sloan."

"Of course." Meredith sighed. "Give me whoever then, but let's make this fast."

"It hurts! It hurts!" The man exclaimed, kicking his legs.

"I know it does, sir. You're going to have to calm down and take it easy though. Nurse!" Mark yelled, working on the man's burns. "Please up his morphine dosage by a couple units. He can't take the pain, and I can't take the complaining."

"_Dr_. _Sloan_." Lexie said, gritting her teeth. "Remember to _r.o.c.k._ your patients stay."

"Yeah, yeah." Mark said, rolling his eyes. "O'malley, how's his bones looking?"

"Broken arm, hand, fingers, and toes all to the right side. Will need surgery to repair it all."

Mark nodded his head. "I can do the skin graphs while you're in there."

"I'll go tell a nurse to book the O.R." George said, grabbing the chart and walking out of the room. He was almost out the door, when he heard Mark bring up Meredith.

"On another note, you'll never guess who I saw." Mark said. "Now I don't know if it was her exactly. I was distracted by all the people coming through, but I'm _pretty _positive it was Big Grey."

"Meredith? You think you saw Meredith?" Lexie exclaimed. "There's no way. She's doing her fellowship at UCSF."

"There is a way." George interrupted, turning on his heel.

"Meredith's here? In Seattle?" Lexie asked, both her and Mark turning to face George.

"She came back to do her fellowship here."

Mark and Lexie looked at each other, still not grasping what he was saying.

"Meredith lives here now." George said, leaning his upper body towards them as if he was asking if they fully understood.

Both doctors in the room watched as George walked out and over to the nurses station outside the patients room.

"Wow. She didn't tell me she was coming back." Lexie smiled.

Mark grinned, now excitied to know that his best friend could stop the endless pouting he had been doing since Meredith had hit the road. "I know someone that's going to be _thrilled_."

Lexie bit her lip. It was not her news to share that Meredith was now engaged. Or maybe she was not. She was in Seattle, and she never thought she would come back. Meredith seemed content and happy with her life in California. Maybe her and Luke were not together after all. She decided just to nod her head and agree with Mark's statement.

Derek sighed, walking out of the scrub room. He took his scrub cap off and walked towards the nurses station. He asked for the patient's chart and continued to write important key notes down. When he was finished, he handed the chart back to the nurse and started walking towards the O.R. board.

He had yet another successful surgery. The man was very unstable when he came in, but was lucky Derek had gotten to him in time. When he got to the O.R. board, he looked over to see who else was operating. He noticed the man he had just operated on, who he assumed was his wife, was also in the O.R. with Bailey and Richard. He went to walk away, but stopped at what his eyes had just read.

_**3 - 2:00 - Jane Doe - Grey, Meredith - Emergency Craniotomy - Gen. - Warren - Craine - Miller**_

Derek rubbed his eyes with his hands. He was just tired. Looking back at the board, he double checked what he thought he had seen. Going over the writing a few times, he decieded to ask the nurse if it was right.

"Excuse me, but I think the O.R. board is incorrect." Derek chuckled. "It says Grey, Meredith? I think someone has her confused with her younger sister, Lexie."

The nurse laughed. "Oh no Dr. Shepherd. The board is correct. Dr. Grey had a resident schedule an O.R. for her. The little girl is only seven years old. Poor thing. Oh well, if you want to see it for yourself she just started a little under an hour ago."

Derek stood at the nurses station, starring blankly at the nurse in front of him.

Meredith Grey was in Seattle.

Meredith Grey was within the four walls of the hospital.

Meredith Grey was no longer in hiding.

Meredith Grey was indeed, _back._

**There you have it. A little drama to spice up the story a bit. Please continue to review and tell me what you all think. I love reading them and take everything you all say into consideration. I have really enjoyed writing the chapters, and will try to update as frequently as I can. Take care! **


	4. Chapter 4

_**CHAPTER FOUR**_

Derek stood at the top of the O.R. gallery, his arms crossed over his chest. He watched in amazement as Meredith proceeded to complete an craniotomy all by herself. No one watching her every move, no one walking her through it, and no one to tell her what she was doing wrong. She did not need the assistance. She was brilliant all on her _own_.

"Clamps."

She was confident. The way she stood in front of the human brain said it all. When she asked the surgical nurse for the clamps, he could hear it in her voice. Meredith was not unconfident in her abilites anymore and truly believed she was extraordinary.

And she did that all on her _own_.

Derek discovered standing there, that Meredith had grown up. She did not _need_ him like he so desperately tried to make her think. He spent years trying to make her understand that their relationship was a main priority, and he had hoped that making himself available during their time apart would make her realize that. It only made her stronger in the end. It started to make Derek think that maybe it was not Meredith that needed Derek, but _Derek _that needed Meredith.

Meredith was getting close to closing up the patient, and Derek had hoped to catch her downstairs in the scrub room. Just as he was about to make his way down there, his pager began to go off. He had recieved a 911 page to O.R. one, and changed his route to scrub in once again.

"Great job, everyone." Meredith spoke to the O.R. "Let's get this little girl closed up and back down to Post-OP."

Meredith had left the O.R. and walked into the scrub room located just outside. It had been a fairly easy operation, with no complications. She was relieved to know that in a few weeks, the little girl would be well on her way to recovery. She began to take her surgical mask and gloves off, throwing them in the waste basket. Walking towards the sinks, an hyperventilating resident had turned the corner and was scrambling to come up with words.

"You're Dr. Grey right?" The resident said, panicing.

"Yes." Meredith responded, nodding her head.

"Dr. Webber and Dr. Bailey need you in O.R. two. We tried paging Dr. Shepherd, but he had already been paged to O.R. one with Dr. Yang."

Meredith turned to quickly scrub back in before following the resident into the O.R. "What do we have?"

Richard turned toward Meredith while Dr. Bailey continued to work on the patients insides. "She's got a brain bleed. We've been trying to get the internal bleeding under control, but just when we think we have a hold of it there's another bleeder."

The woman's vitals increased rapidly. Meredith went to stand behind the woman's head as the nurses helped prepare her for an emergency brain surgery.

"Damn it!" Dr. Bailey exclaimed, rushing to place pads inside the woman's stomach area. "I can't get this bleeding under control."

"Opening up her head could cause her to bleed out." Meredith warned them. "I need to wait tell you get more of the bleeding controlled."

"My side looks good." Richard told her. "Bailey what about yours? Is it good enough that Dr. Grey here can correct the brain bleed?"

Dr. Bailey checked her side. "I just about got this bleeder. There, you can open her up."

Meredith nodded her head and opened up the patient's skull. She began to work quickly to find the source of the bleed. Richard and Dr. Bailey worked together to try and fix the woman's internal organs.

"She's becoming bradycardic." A nurse said outloud, watching the woman's heartbeat.

"I've almost found the source." Meredith told them. "I've almost got it."

Just then, Derek walked in the O.R. door. A nurse began to place gloves on his hands. "I had to help Yang in O.R. one. What do we have?"

"We've got it, Derek." Richard said, looking up from the patient. "There's already enough hands in here as it is. Dr. Grey is taking care of the bleeder."

Meredith continued work, not letting the outside forces distract her from taking care of business. Derek stood dumbfounded, and could not help but feel like he had been shown up. Richard had went back to help Dr. Bailey, and Meredith worked on the woman's brain. Everyone ignored his presence and finally he turned on his heel and walked out in the same direction he had walked in.

Hours later, Meredith was exhausted. It was times like these she was greatful her intern and resident days were over. Laying on the couch in the attendings lounge, her feet resting infront of her, she checked her phone for any missed calls.

_Luke Delacroix - 3:26 P.M._

Meredith sighed, going to her voicemail inbox on her phone.

_"Hey Mer, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to call you this morning and talk to you before you began your big first day. I won't be able to call you again tell later tonight. I have meetings from four o'clock on. I love you and can't wait to be with you in a few days. Stay safe." _

A smile rested upon her face as she brought the phone back down from her ear. She missed Luke more than she thought she would have, although the space was probably good for their relationship.

"I could use a shot of José right about now." Cristina moaned, walking in the lounge and taking a seat next to Meredith.

"Oh, me too." Meredith agreed. "Two surgeries and paperwork out my ass."

Cristina laughed. "Least my patient has a healthy heart, brain, and baby."

"Turns out the Jane Doe I was operating on was the daughter of the mother I also had to operate on. Poor family."

"Yeah, Derek had to rush the husband in for emergency surgery as well." Cristina sighed, turning to look at Meredith. She watched as she bit her lip in attempt to cover up what she was thinking. "How is that going by the way?"

"The husband? I don't know he wasn't my patient."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Not the husband Meredith, _Derek_. How is the _Derek _situation."

Meredith sat there for a minute. The couple encounters she had stumbled upon with Derek had been brief. Once that morning in the elevator, and second that afternoon in the O.R. room. She was not able to speak to him nor was she able to get in a good look.

"I haven't really spoke to him." Meredith shrugged.

Cristina nodded her head. "How are you going to react when Luke gets here?"

Meredith looked at Cristina. "What do you mean? Luke is my _fiancé_."

"Yeah, and the sky is blue." Cristina said sarcastically, rolling her eyes once again. "You _knew _that coming here would spark a fire between you and Derek. Something is bound to give and it normally ends with you two _heated _in an on-call room."

"I world never do anything to hurt Luke," Meredith said, defending herself. "but I won't sit here and lie about not feeling some kind of way towards Derek. I'm still trying to decide if I want to let that go or not."

"Meredith," Cristina spoke. "you're lying right _now_. You're engaged. You might not realize it, but you're already hurting Luke with these untouched feelings for Derek. Honestly, do you think seeing if you and Derek even have a chance is worth losing Luke?"

Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. Derek sighed as he looked at the cluttered desk that was once clear and organized. He was almost done for the day, wanting nothing more than to go to bed. He had not gotten a lot of sleep the night before, surprisingly, seeing as he did not stay at Emily's.

_"Home._" Derek laughed. What was a home to him anymore? It was not Emily's, it was not the trailer, and it was not New York. Hell, even the dream house plans were not a home anymore. His home _was _somewhere in this hospital though.

Preparing to leave for the day, he heard a knock at his office door. Praying for a miracle, he told whomever it was to come in.

"Now I don't know about you, but I need a beer." Mark grinned. He noticed Derek's face fall into a frown and he put two and two together. "Oh _I _get it. I'm not a average height, green eyed, dirty blonde. Really, there's no need to apologize for such the long face."

Derek rolled his eyes. "You know too?"

"That Big Grey is back with the best of us? Saving lives and putting us all to shame? Dragging the infamous Dr. Derek Shepherd around on a leash _without _even knowing it?" Mark chuckled, putting a hand on Derek's shoulder. "Yeah man, we _all_ know it."

"I'm not on a leash." Derek defended himself.

"Right." Mark spoke, not buying what he was selling. "So, what's your game plan? "

"Game plan?" Derek had a confused look on his face.

"Yeah!" Mark exclaimed, bringing up a fist to emphasize. "You know, your plan to get her back and all."

Derek looked at him. "I don't _have _a plan."

"Useless." Mark said with slight disgust and shaking his head. "So, how about that beer?"

It had been a long, tiring first day. After Meredith and Cristina's conversation, they had both parted ways to check up on their patients. Both mother and daughter were doing well and were expecting a full recovery. The on-call resident was left to do an hourly post-op check on the mother, considering her surgery was more extentsive.

Retreating back to the lounge, Meredith had found Izzie and Cristina. Izzie was changing back into her street clothes, while Cristina laid down on the couch.

"Are you not going home?" Meredith asked Cristina, changing as well.

"Nope. I need to finish up a few things, plus I've been working on some research." Cristina yawned, placing her hands behind her head. "I'd rather be here anyway."

"The robot strikes again." Izzie joked, sitting down in one of the chairs to put her boots on. "Where are you staying Meredith?"

"Via Six Lofts, downtown."

"Oh _fancy_." Izzie said with excitement, her eyes lighting up. "I'll have to come bake in the new kitchen."

Meredith laughed. "Oh, you can be the first to even _walk _in the kitchen. You all know I don't know how to cook, and Luke's not exactly a five-star chef either."

The three women continued to talk casually and catch up. Izzie complained about how Alex was growing more and more absent towards her each day, and how she feared of the unknown. Cristina shared about how she had secretly been with Dr. Owen Hunt, and did not want it to turn out like it did with Burke.

"I can't go through something like that again. I became someone's right hand, _literally_." Cristina spoke, sitting up from her laying form. "I want to be the best, and I won't let my feelings for someone get in the way of that."

"Thanks." Meredith giggled, giving Cristina a look.

"Thanks for what?" Lexie said, walking in and placing a her hand on her hip. "How about _thanks _for letting your little sister know you were back in town."

"Hey, no residents allowed." Cristina griped, waving a hand in the air.

"Lexie." Meredith smiled, giving her sister a hug. She pulled back to look at her. "You know, I could have told you myself but you were too busy _assisting _Dr. Sloan."

"He needed my assistance, what could I say." Lexie smirked. "He asked me to move in with him a few days ago, so I looked at it as a _favor_."

"Leaving the frat house I see." Cristina nodded in understanding.

"Is the attic not good enough for Mark?" Izzie laughed.

"Hey, even I would have taken the chance to get out that attic." Meredith spoke in Lexie's defense. "It's not the ideal place."

"Tensions are high enough there as it is." Lexie said, giving an unstable expression.

"Yeah, I don't blame you there. I'd pack my things up and walk out with McSteamy too if I could." Izzie sighed, bringing a hand up to her forhead. She got up from the chair and grabbed her bag. "I should probably start making my way towards the house. I have a few things to take care of there. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Cristina's pager went off. She picked it up off the coffee table to check to see what it said. "911 incoming trauma. My night just got a little more interesting."

"Enjoy!" Meredith yelled as Cristina walked out the door trying to put her shoes back on as she hurried.

"Drinks at Joes?" Lexie asked Meredith.

"Yeah, a beer sounds good." Meredith nodded, picking up her bag. "I'll met you over there."

Derek walked toward the elevator, pressing the bottom arrow. His briefcase was in one hand and his coat was resting over his other arm. Waiting for the elevator to arrive, he closed his eyes. He was physically, mentally, and emotionally tired.

He had declined his invite to have a beer with Mark. Partially because he was exhausted, and also because he was not in the mood. Emily was probably waiting up for him, and he owed it to her to be there.

Meredith's arrival was _really _kicking in. The aftershock was still apparent, and he wondered if it would ever leave. Derek did not expect to ever see Meredith again. The thought of that made him physically sick, but he had slowly lost faith over time. He was not the optimist he use to be. That was for sure. He still had not had the chance to speak with her, and did not even know what he would say when the time came.

His thoughts were interrupted when the elevator doors opened, and he was relieved to find it vacant. Stepping on, he hit the button for the lobby and retreated to the back of the elevator. He rested his empty hand on the railing behind him, leaning against the back and finding support. He crossed his legs and looked down at the ground, closing his eyes once more. In a matter of moments, he felt the elevator slow down and come to a complete stop. He knew it was too soon to be his stop, but he looked up as he heard the 'ding' and the doors drift apart. Starring back at him was a pair of green eyes. The _same_ pair of green eyes he had hopelessly fallen in love with.

It was _Meredith._

He watched as she stepped on effortlessly, looking to see if she needed to push the button for her floor. Realizing Derek had already pushed it, she moved to stand towards the right of the elevator.

"Hello." Meredith smiled, looking down and fidgiting with her watch on her wrist. Derek could tell she was nervous by her mannerisms.

"Hello to you too." Derek grinned, moving to stand to the left of her. "I didn't think I would see you around here again."

"It was time to come _home_." She nodded. "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay." He told her. "How are you? Are you doing okay?"

Meredith giggled, a light blush approaching her cheeks. "I'm doing great, Derek."

There it was, Derek thought. The infamous giggle. Except this time, it was _real_. It was not beaten down from her past life or faking it just to get by. It had its own personal shine.

"That's wonderful." He said. "I'm glad to see you back and doing great."

"I'm glad to be back." She assured him. "A lot has changed, but I think for the better."

Was she talking about the hospital, herself, or just life in general? Derek wanted to know more, but cursed silently when he found himself on the first floor.

"We should get drinks sometime." Derek offered, stepping off the elevator behind Meredith. "You know, catch up and see where our lives have taken us."

Meredith smiled, nodding her head in acceptance. "That would be great, Derek. I would enjoy that a lot."

They continued to walk side by side until reaching the hospital entrance. Derek looked to his right, getting one last glimpse of her before the day was over. "Goodbye, Meredith."

Meredith looked back at Derek, her heart clenching together by sadness. "Goodbye, Derek."

**A lot has taken place in this chapter, but I hope you all adored it. I'm glad you all have enjoyed reading the chapters. The reviews are excellent, and please keep telling me what you guys think. I should be able to update again tomorrow. Take care everyone!**


	5. Chapter 5

_**CHAPTER FIVE**_

Meredith was _livid_.

As soon as she arrived at Joe's to meet Lexie and had ordered herself a beer, she got fifteen minutes into a conversation with her and her pager went off. Groaning as she reached inside her bag, she read it was a 911 page regarding one of her patient's from earlier. Sending her condolences towards Lexie, she grabbed her things and began to head back to the hospital.

Exiting off the elevator onto the post operation floor, Meredith was _pretty _positive her feet were swollen. It was her first day back at SGMW, but was also her first day operating in two weeks. After taking her boards and making it aware to her old Chief of Surgery that she was accepting another fellowship, she was granted two weeks off to help her with the transition. Meredith was eternally greatful for her vacation time, but relaxed _maybe _two days out of all fourteen. Between packing up all of her and Luke's things, finishing up last minute paperwork, then flying out of California to Washington to unpack and get situated, it had caused her a huge amount of exhaustion. It had even caused her to be late earlier that morning.

Arriving at the patient's room, Meredith noticed the woman sleeping soundly in her hospital bed. There was not a Code Team hovering around her or even a nurse in sight. Just a resident taking notes in her chart and checking the woman's vitals. Meredith could feel the blood rushing through her veins.

"Dr. Grey," The resident sighed, walking to stand by Meredith at the nurses station. "I'm a little confused as to what I should distribute to the patient. Three C.C.'s of Hemotobin, or two C.C.'s of Meterol? I tried to look for it in the chart but I couldn't seem to locate it. I asked the nurse nearby and she said just to contact you."

"You paged me 911 to ask a question you should already know from Medical School? I almost _killed_ myself trying to get over here because I thought there was a _serious _medical emergency!" Meredith exclaimed, gritting her teeth. "What kind of resident are you?"

She watched as the poor resident in front of her bit her lip and looked down at the ground.

"I-I'm sorry Dr. Grey. I p-promise it won't h-happen again." The resident stuttered, nervously playing with her hands.

"Give her 3 C.C.'s of Hemotobin. It's not as strong and harsh as Meterol. Her body's been through enough stress already today."

The resident wrote down Meredith's orders, reaching up to whipe the sweat from her brow.

Meredith instantly regretted her choice of words towards the young girl. It was obvious she was just trying to seek doctor help. She sighed, shaking her head. The girl went to apologize again, but Meredith put a hand up stopping her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said to you. At least not in that manor. I'm just tired. It's been a long day, and a long two weeks. I need to keep things on a more professional level instead of acting out like I just did."

The girl nodded her head. "I understand, Dr. Grey. Really, I do."

Meredith noticed the girl was extremely run down. Maybe because she had not slept or maybe just from the jist of the day. "What's your name?"

"Abigail Henson. I just transfered here from Boston."

"_Boston_." Meredith said, smiling at the memories that flashed through her head like a cinema. "I've been there a time or two."

"I love it there." Abigail spoke, the whites of her eyes growing big. "The state, the city, the place, the people. I love everything about it. I guess it was just the need to change the scene. Seattle isn't Boston though."

Meredith saw a lot of her old self in the girl in front of her. The need to escape and find a life outside of the one she had grown so accustom to. "I use to not appreiciate this place. When I left here I swore I wouldn't come back. Living somewhere else, I began to miss the little things like the rain, ferryboats, and even the old coffee cart downstairs. One day, sitting outside my balcony I realized something though. It's not the weather or attractions that make up a place. It's what you, _yourself_, make of that place. You can make it out to be however you want it to be. As far as the people go, well, they'll always have a spot in your life. Maybe even spots for new people to come in as well."

Abigail's face grew into a smile as she listened to Meredith's slice of advice. Maybe she could give Seattle a shot. "Wow, I never looked at it that way."

Meredith giggled. "It took me awhile to come to the realization, but I benefitted from it ever since."

Abigail nodded her head once more. "I'll let you go and get some rest. Thank you for all your help Dr. Grey."

"Page me if something goes wrong, besides that have the nurse call next time." Meredith told her, before turning to leave.

Derek stepped out of the shower, the bathroom hot from all the steam. Taking his towel, he whipped off a small surface of the mirror so he could see his reflection. He took the towel and placed it around his waist before looking back at the mirror. He had dark circles around his eyes, a side effect from being a World Class Neurosurgeon. Rotating his neck around in order pop it, he reached for his toothbrush and located the toothpaste from the top bathroom drawer.

He felt the door to the bathroom open, the steam quickly disapearing. A pair of hands ran up his chest and a set of lips brushed his shoulder blade. "My my my, have I missed you."

Derek smiled sadly, spiting the contents out of his mouth and resting a hand on the counter. "Did you now?"

"I did." Emily assured him, now kissing her way up his neck. "I also missed you in our bed."

He felt sick. The thought of sleeping next to, much less making love to another woman besides Meredith had this affect on him. He had done both before, regretfully, and could not help but feel disgusted with himself afterwards.

He knew what Emily was doing. He also knew what she wanted, and he could not go through with it. No matter how much she presisted. "Not tonight, Em. It's been a really long day and I just want to get some rest."

"I thought that's what you went to the trailer for last night? So you could get some peace and quiet?"

Derek sighed, now resting both hands on the counter. "I know, and I'm sorry for that. I just, I can't tonight."

He watched through the mirror as Emily marched off into the bedroom upset. Rejecting her was not something he willingly wanted to do. He just could not dare to touch her. Not in that way. There was no doubt he loved Emily, and wanted nothing but the best for her. He was not _in love_ with her though.

Finishing up in the bathroom, he turned off the lights and made his way over to the bed. He got in next to Emily and faced the opposite direction she was facing.

"I know something is wrong, Derek." Emily spoke into the darkness. "I can help you though. We can get through it. We always do."

Derek closed his eyes. It was better to let silence fall between them, then break her heart with the ugly truth.

_It seems he had done a lot of that in the past. _

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him, Lex." Mark sighed, taking the decorative pillows off their bed and stacking them in the nearby corner. "I know he's unhappy and would love to get Meredith back but you have to have some sort of game plan."

"_Game plan?_" Lexie mumbled, walking out of the bathroom with her toothbrush in her mouth.

"Yes!" Mark exclaimed. "A game plan! Why does everyone act like they have no clue what that means?"

Lexie spit out the toothpaste in her mouth at the sink before walking towards their bed and crawling in it. "I think a game plan is a tad bit creepy. It's like planning out your every move to get someone back in your life. Almost like a stalker."

"It's called _strategizing_. Apparently no one knows what that means." Mark spat, sliding into bed.

"Does that mean if we went our separate ways, you would create a game plan to try and win me back?" Lexie laughed, turning to face Mark's direction.

"If it meant I didn't lose you and could spend the rest of my life by your side," Mark winked, facing her as well. "I'd sure do it."

Lexie rolled her eyes. "That was _really _cheesy Mark. Even for you."

"What can I say? I've been struck by love with Cupid's arrow." Mark grinned.

"Yeah, and it's a real pain in the ass." Lexie grumbled, reaching to turn out the light and cuddle up next to Mark.

"Meredith didn't say anything about Derek tonight, did she?"

"No, Mark." Lexie sighed.

"I'm just trying to look after my friend, Lex." Mark spoke. He knew Derek better than most, and hated that his friend had made poor decisions regarding his love life. "I would hate for him to screw up and let her go again. He really does love her."

Lexie yawned. "I'm sure Meredith knows that. Now let's get some rest. I'm on-call tomorrow night."

Meredith lay in bed, starring as the ceiling fan rotated in a circular motion. She almost laughed, thinking of the comparison between her life and the fan.

It was starting to appear to her, that her decision to come back to Seattle might not have been the best choice. Being in the same facility as Derek, she was constantly reminding herself that she was engaged to be married. Every little thing, down to the crevices on the ceiling tiles reminded her of a memory she had shared with him. "_Cristina was right._" Meredith thought. There _had _been a reason she had come back. She had a desire to know if she would still get that feeling in the pit of her stomach when Derek looked at her. If whenever he spoke to her, she fumbled to come up with words because the feeling he gave her was undescribable. So far it was all a check, and she feared that it would not go away before Luke arrived.

"_Oh no,_" She laughed to herself. "_I won't make that mistake again_." Meredith had learned self control. It took her one time to commit adultery with someone, and she swore to herself she would never make someone feel that amount of pain ever again. Addison might have made a few mistakes herself, but no deserved what her and Derek did. The guilt was enough to eat her alive.

Rolling over onto her side, she tucked her hands underneath her face. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture a life with Luke. She could see herself full of love and happiness, never having to worry about what kind of person she would be. Luke tended to make her see the best of herself, always helping her strive to be better.

When she tried picturing a life with Derek, she saw hazard lights. As if those light were telling her she was cashing in on a broke down dream. She was always uncertain with Derek. Never knowing what she was going to get, or _if _she was going to get anything at all. He pressured her constantly into doing things she was not ready to do, and demanded her to be something she was not. Meredith always left Derek feeling less than what she really was. She knew her worth know, and she knew where she belonged. _That only applied in the O.R. of course._

Her eyes became heavy, and her breathing started to slow. Brushing all of her thoughts to the side, she decided that they would have to wait until tomorrow. Shutting her eyes, she drifted off to sleep.

An hour later, she shot up from her bed and struggled to catch her breath. She looked to her right, relivied when she did not see a sleeping form laying beside her.

Derek Shepherd was not in her bed.

But he was indeed, in her _dreams_.

**Another update! I'll cover more of Meredith and Derek interacting together next chapter, and hope to have it in by tomorrow sometime. I appericate the reviews and thank you all for your kind words. I hope you all liked the update, and continue to tell me your input. Hope all is well and please take care! **


	6. Chapter 6

_**CHAPTER SIX**_

The rain pelted against the large bay windows and lighting paraded though the city. Thunder roared, startling Meredith as she proceeded to get ready to leave for work. The weather was getting worse and worse by the minute, and she prayed that she could make to it the hospital without having a nervous breakdown, or a wreck. It was a downfall living in a city that constantly rained. Trying to get from place to place without having or causing an accident just about drove a _sane _person _insane_.

Finishing up the final touches on herself, Meredith walked out of her bathroom and grabbed her bag out of the small chair sitting in the corner of the bedroom. Walking out and into the kitchen, she picked up her phone off the counter and threw it into her bag along with her pager and badge. She reached up into the kitchen cabnet that contained all of the coffee cups, and grabbed a travel mug. Filling it up to the brim with coffee, she put the lid on it and picked up her keys from where she had left them laying yesterday. Meredith hurried out the door and locked it, juggling her coffee and keys in one hand. She stepped onto one of the lofts elevators and pressed the button for the car garage. Taking a sip of her coffee, she struggled to keep her eyes open.

After she had awaken from her 'night terror', she fought herself to get back to sleep. When she thought she was finally becoming unconcious again, a picture of Derek's face would appear in her mind. Finally accepting the fact that she had lost the battle within herself, she got up and decided to go ahead and go into the hospital. In the time she would waste trying fall back asleep, she could be at work helping out in any way she possibly could.

_"Maybe I'll get a rare case of Cushing Syndrome." _Meredith thought excitedly. _"Eh, like that will ever happen." _She arrived at the car garage and got in her Audi. Starting the engine, she felt a rush of power race through her body. She loved her car, but she missed her old Jeep. It was one of the _many _things she left behind when she left for California. Her jeep was just another flame from her past that was contaminated with memories.

Cristina was on a surgical high. After a night of saving a man's life who had been ran over, diganosing a patient with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, and having a heart transplant schedule for the next day, you could say that Cristina was perfectly fine with working a seventy-two hour shift.

Making her way to get a cup from her usual coffee cart, she noticed Owen at the nurses station. Quickly turning to move in the opposite direction, she breathed a breath of relief when he did not notice her.

She had been avoiding Owen for the past few days now. Their last encounter was awkward, Owen devoting his love to her and Cristina running away. Owen had a few bumps and bruises from his past, but overall he was the perfect guy. He treated Cristina with the outmost respect and never questioned her importance towards her career. That was until the past few days ago.

Cristina had found herself in a situation a lot similar to Meredith's four years ago. Owen had began to pressure her into the thought of a 'real' relationship. It was not that Cristina did not want one, or that she did not feel the same towards Owen. She had just thought she had made herself perfectly clear.

She did not want to put her career on hold.

She did not want kids.

It was two things that Owen could not accept. It made Cristina question if Owen really did love her. If he did, could he not accept her for who she truly was? Or what she truly wanted and valued in life? Her career was the most important objective to her in life. When it came down to it, she would rather choose surgery and be alone, than not choose surgery and be miserable without it.

She put herself in Meredith's shoes and began to wonder how Meredith had put up with the feeling of not being good enough for someone for so many years. Leaving Seattle never crossed Cristina's mind, but ending her so called 'relationship' did. Cristina did not want to feel like someones right hand again, and she also did not want to be the lovestruck intern that pinned for her boss. She valued how much strength Meredith had, especially after all that she went through. Cristina did not care to experience it herself though.

Derek looked at the red digits on the alarm clock next to him. _"__4:34__"_ He whispered to himself, rubbing his face with his hands. His intake on sleep had decreased drastically the past few months, and wondered if he would ever get a goodnights rest again. Laying in the darkness, Derek heard nothing but the rain and thunder from outside. He looked to his right, and saw Emily's breathing form lay peacefully. He closed his eyes, the feeling of guily resurfacing. He did not know how much longer he could take. He would much rather be on his own, than with someone and constantly yerning for someone else.

He was not suppose to be at work until seven, but figured he might as well get an early start since he was up. Quietly sliding out of bed, he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Ridding himself of his night clothes, he entered the shower and let the hot water glisten all over his body.

A half our later, Derek walked back out of the bathroom and grabbed his belongings off the wooden chest. He picked up his briefcase from beside the nightstand and tiptoed out the bedroom door. He opted to skip making coffee, afraid of the chances of waking Emily. Leaving the tiny house, he made his way through the residental neighborhood.

His mind wondered to Meredith. There was not many times when it did not. He pictured her in the elevator the night before, and smiled to himself. Maybe Mark was right. Maybe he _did_ need a game plan. He knew getting Meredith back into his life would not be an easy challenge. He had broken her heart several times, and repeatedly given up on her when he promised her he never would.

He realized in order to prove to her just how much he truly needed her, he would have to break things off with Emily. In conclusion, he decieded that it was a risk he was willing to take.

But what exactly was Meredith looking for by coming back? Did she even want a relationship from Derek? Did she even want anything at all from him? Questions raced through his mind and by the time he had reached the hospital he had a page of them. He had so many questions. And only one person had all the answers.

The day was dragging for Meredith. She did not know if it was because she had been up all night, or just because it was a slow day. Her hopes of coming across anything interesting had been slim, but she did have a surgery later that day. Looking down at her watch, she read 7:45. Sighing, she decieded to grabbed a muffin from the coffee cart. She was running on a empty stomach, and thought it would help pass the time.

Walking through the hospital halls, Meredith pulled out her cell phone. She sent Luke a quick text, him responding in a matter of seconds.

_No sleep? You just need someone to tire you out my dear ;-)_

Meredith giggled to herself, typing back. Luke was set to arrive tomorrow, and she was excited to have him in Seattle. She put her phone back in the labcoat of her pocket, arriving at the coffee cart.

"I'll take on orange cranberry muffin." Meredith told the man, reaching for the money to pay for her item. When she went to hand him the money, a voice interupted her.

"I'll pay the lady. Add a slice of poundcake to that." Mark grinned, reaching for his wallet. "If it isn't for the other Dirty Mistress. You know, I thought I saw a ghost but when I looked a little closer I realized it was you. Where the hell have you been?"

"Wow, Lexie must be lip locked." Meredith smirked, realizing her sister had not said a word to Mark about her time away. "California. Really sunny, pretty beaches. Recommended to anyone needing to get away."

"Only a state away." Mark said, reaching for both of their baked goods. He handed Meredith her muffin. "I atleast thought you would be on the other side of the country."

"Nope. Just down the coast." Meredith sighed, unwrapping her muffin from the serand wrap. "Thank you for paying for mine by the way. You didn't have to do that."

"Oh, I wanted to. Call it a Dirty Mistresses reunite." Mark chuckled as he watched Meredith unwrap her muffin. He went to open his poundcake, but stopped when he noticed something glimmer in the light. His eyes grew wide. "My god! What is that thing on your finger?"

Meredith giggled like it was nothing. "It's an engagement ring. You know, like what you give someone when you ask for their hand in marriage?"

Mark froze. "I'm well aware. Damn, maybe Derek did have a game plan."

"Derek?" Meredith said, confused.

"Yeah, I mean, I told Derek now that you were back that he would need some sort of game plan. I did not take it as 'get engaged'. Hell, I guess whatever works right?"

Meredith looked at him with an empty expression. Mark grinned, but then realizied that the ring on her hand was not from Derek.

"That's not from Derek, huh?" Mark spoke.

"No." Meredith said, awkwardly.

Mark nodded his head, completely embarassed. "I'm really sorry, I just. I don't know what's up with me lately. I'm starting to care about people too much. Really unlike me."

"You're a caring person, Mark. I can tell by what my sister tells me." Meredith assured him. "You're just looking out for your best friend. That's okay."

Mark chuckled. "I would have rather spared the humilation though. So who's the lucky guy?"

"Luke." Meredith smiled. "He's really a great guy."

"That's great, Meredith. I happy for you." Mark congradulated her before his pager went off. "Uh oh, looks like I have a consult I need to be at. It's good to have you back. I know Lexie is thrilled."

"I am too." Meredith said. "Thanks again, Mark."

"Anytime." He smiled.

Derek stood at the main nurses station, completing some notes for his patients charts. He had finished his morning surgery, and was about to head down for another consult.

Cristina was printing papers off at the printers for her research. She had a couple hours until her heart transplant surgery, and decieded to use her time wisely.

"Have you see Izzie around here?" Alex asked, walking up eating a banana. "I haven't seen her all morning."

"Trouble in paradise?" Cristina smirked.

"Shut up, Yang." Alex spat, throwing his banana peel in the trash.

Mark walked quickly passed the troubling two, going to stand by Derek. "Look man, we need to talk."

"I've been thinking," Derek smiled. "and you've been right all along. I need to do what's best for me. And you know what's best for me?"

Mark groaned. "Derek,"

"Ending things with Emily. She'll be better off with someone who's more emotionally avalable." Derek said, continuing to write down notes.

One of the nurses noticed a man standing in front of the station. "May I help you with something?"

"I'm looking for Meredith Grey." A man asked, giving her a charming smile.

Cristina and Alex turned around, looking at the man, then back towards Mark and Derek who were also looking. Instantly the two faced the opposite direction.

"There is no way I am missing this." Cristina smirked, her and Alex hiding their faces.

"Meredith Grey," The nurse repeated, looking at the schedule of the computer. "she should be around here somewhere. I'll page her for you."

"Thank you." The man said, resting one arm on the counter.

Mark watched Derek study the man. He knew Derek all too well. "Derek, let's go,"

"Did you say Meredith Grey?" Derek asked the man, shutting one the charts and ignoring Mark's attempt to speak.

"Yes, I'm trying to have someone reach her to let her know I'm here." He replied, grinning.

"Oh really," Derek nodded. "how do you know Meredith?"

The man laughed. "Meredith's my,"

Just about that time, Mark saw Meredith turn the corner of the nurses station.

"Oh no." Mark gulped, resting his head on his hand that was on the counter. Cristina and Alex continued to watch the scene unfold.

_"fiancé." _

Derek's face was as white as a sheet.

"Luke!" Meredith exclaimed.

**Here is your update. I hope you all enjoyed it. Also, I had some questions regarding Meredith's past four years. She's been living in San Fransisco and working at Univeristy of California at San Fransico, which is a medical center there. I will try to make that more apparent in the upcoming chapters, but thank you for bringing that to light. Keep sending me your thoughts and ideas. I hope to update soon. Take care! **


	7. Chapter 7

_**CHAPTER SEVEN**_

_"fiancé." _

_Derek's face was as white as a sheet._

_"Luke!" Meredith exclaimed._

The man, Luke, turned around to wrap his arms around his _fiancé_. Meredith returned the gesture, pulling back to look him in the face. "What are you doing here? You weren't suppose to arrive until tomorrow evening."

Luke chuckled, resting his hands on Meredith's hips. "I had pushed all of tomorrow's work into yesterday, finishing everything at the office. David told me I could go ahead and fly up here, and that he would make it aware to Michael that I would be in the new office sometime towards the end of the week. Plus, I wanted to surprise you."

"I don't think she's the only one surprised." Mark muttered, only Cristina, Alex, and Derek hearing him. Cristina let out a sarcastic laugh and Derek scoulfed, turning his head away from the couple in front of him. It made him _sick_.

"Man, I tried to warn you it was coming." Mark said, holding out his hands in front him and giving a small shrug.

"You _knew _he was going to show up here?" Derek whispered angerly.

"Well, not that he would show up." Mark laughed, but suddenly stopped when he saw the horrific look on Derek's face. "I found out this morning, okay. I was trying to tell you but you kept blowing me off."

Derek turned to look back at Meredith. He could feel his own face drop, along with his heart. This was not _good_.

"Dr. Sloan, Dr. Shepherd." Cristina greeted them with a sly smile on her face, walking past the two men.

Derek rolled his eyes before turning to look back at Mark. Mark shook his head looking towards the couple. "Lexie's known this the whole time and she never said a word to me."

"I'm the guy that did nothing but disapoint and destroy her sister." Derek spat, quickly picking up the last chart and handing it to the nearby nurse. He gave one last look at Meredith. "You really think she would've helped me out?"

Mark watched as Derek walked passed the enchancing two, not giving either of them so much as a glance. He did not understand Meredith. If she was so happy and content with her life back in California, why did she return? She should have know that flames would ignite when either of the two got in a mile radius of eachother. Mark sighed and turned to go back the same way he came. He was in search of a dark brunette. She would have all the answers.

"You wanted to surprise me? Now why am I _not _surprised at that." Meredith giggled, her eye catching a head full of dark curls. She had noticed Derek when she had reached in to hug Luke, but had managed to avoid eye contact.

Luke grinned, holding his hands up. "Guilty as charged."

"Have you already gotten settled in?" Meredith asked, glancing over at Derek. She recongized the look that was upon his face. That same look she recieved when he saw her in Finn's t-shirt, at Finn's office years back.

"Not yet. I had the taxi take me to the car dealership where I picked up my car. Then I drove here and have been waiting for your beautiful face to appear." He charmed her, placing a hand on her face before giving her a small peck on the lips.

Meredith smiled, but was distracted when she saw Derek storm passed her and Luke. He did not even bother to look at her. He was disgusted. "Want to get some lunch? I have a while until my surgery."

"Sounds perfect." Luke said, grabbing Meredith's hand.

Hours later, Meredith walked out of the O.R. Her surgery had been a success and she had been paged during the procedure for a consult.

She stood behind the sinks in the scrub room, thoroughly scrubbing her hands. Intensely cleaning them, she got lost in thought. Her lunch with Luke had been great, and he really did know how to put a smile on her face. She was excitied for their life together in Seattle and hoped it would be twice as great as it was in California. Here she had family _and _her favorite place to be. When she thought about the extent of her and Luke's relationship, she never really thought about how much Luke had given up in order to be with her here in Seattle. He had given up his home, friends, and workplace. He planned on spending the rest of his life with her.

It made her feel _guilty_.

A good part of lunch, all she could think about was how pathetic Derek's face looked. It bothered her constantly. After all these years, Derek could still get under her skin without him even knowing it. She felt like she was betraying Luke with all these questions concerning Derek. She reminded herself that she was engaged to Luke, and that Luke was the better guy.

But why was it not working? She closed her eyes as she continued to wash her hands. Maybe it was premarital jitters.

_"Probably not though."_ Meredith thought to herself, shaking her head. She opened her eyes and turned off the water faucet.

"You did good in there."

Meredith quickly turned around to face the door way. "It was just a textbook cranionomy, but thank you."

Derek nodded his head. His arms were crossed over his chest, his legs crossing eachother as well as he leaned against the door frame. "I always knew you would be an extraordinary Neurosurgeon. Contrary to what you may _believe_."

Meredith looked at him. "What does _that _mean?"

Derek made eye contact with her. "It means that even though you think I never believed in you, I did."

She bit her lip, turning to look through the scrub room window that looked into the O.R. "Is there a reason that you came to speak with me?"

"Does there need to be a reason?" He questioned her. Meredith just shook her head. He could tell she was frustrated with the conversation. "I came to congradulate you, Dr. Grey."

Meredith stared at him blankly. "Congradulate me?"

"Congradulate you, yes." Derek nodded. "I hear you're engaged. Congrats."

She stood facing him. She did not know if he was being sincere, or just a straight up ass. "Thank you Dr. Shepherd."

"Have you set a date?"

She laughed. She geniunely laughed at that. He was fishing for details. "We haven't decieded yet. First we want to pick the location. Luke suggested by the bay where you can see the ferryboats. He just _adores _them."

Derek chuckled. He could always tell when she was lying. Her lip would quiver as if she were nervous. "Oh really? Is that so."

"Oh yes. He even suggested building a house here. He loves the idea of raising a family here." Meredith smiled. It was all total B.S. The congradulating and the fake details. It was all just to piss eachother off.

Derek nodded his head. Meredith smiled a fake smile. She did not want this. She wanted them to be happy for eachother.

"You're lying."

Meredith protested, crossing her arms. "I am not lying. It's all true. He told me today at lunch."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Your lip is quivering. When it quivers, that means you're lying."

"I'm not the same person as I once was. You know nothing about me."

It hit him hard. Really hard. It was a true statement. She was not the same. Her looks, attitude, personally. It had all changed. The Meredith he knew would never have gotten engaged. She would not dream of starting a family, and she sure would not have ever left. He knew _nothing _of her.

"That's all my fault, and trust me Mer. I pay the price for it every single day." Derek spoke softly. He watched as she comprehended what he had just said. "I'll see you around."

Meredith watched as he turned on his heel and walked out of the doorway. She _hurt_. She did not know if it was from what he had said to her, or the image of him walking away.

Mark walked into the small office attached to the main nurses station. He watched as Lexie filled out charts and set each one in a pile.

"California seems like a nice place to live. Sunny, the golden gate bridge, oh," Mark chuckled. "you cannot and I repeat _cannot _forget the rings. Plently of gorgeous 14 karot rings to go around. You know California was part of the Manifest Destiny."

Lexie spun around on her chair. "So I'm taking it as you heard."

"Yeah, from her myself." Mark said, sitting down in the spare chair beside her. "Also I had to watch my best friend find out by her fiancé introducing himself, as her fiancé."

"Luke's already here?' Lexie spoke shockingly.

"Oh good. You know his name." Mark added sarcastically.

"What did you expect, Mark?" Lexie asked, sitting down a chart. "Meredith didn't want anyone to know any details. She just wanted to find somewhere to escape and get away from all the negativity that was in her life. Some followed her but she resolved her issues that lied within herself."

Mark nodded his head in understanding. "I know. I'm sorry it's just, I hate seeing him this way. He hasn't been happy in a long time and I want to help get him back on his feet."

"I get that." Lexie smiled.

Mark leaned back in his chair. "Do you think that Derek would have a shot if he tried to pursue Meredith?"

Lexie looked at him. "She's engaged, Mark."

"And? You were dating that punk Jackson but I still went after you." He grinned.

She giggled. "True. They have history together though. From what I understand not such great history either. Maybe if Derek proved to her that he has changed she would _maybe _consider it."

"Why did she come back?"

"She wanted to live here again. She missed being around her friends and family." Lexie responded.

"Do you think Derek has anything to do with it?" Mark asked.

Lexie smiled, but did not respond. She got up from her seat and picked up her charts. Looking at Mark, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. She walked out of the room, leaving Mark in his chair.

**I know it's not a very long chapter, but it was the best I could do. I'm sorry I am late on updating. I've been on vacation and have not had the time to sit down and write. I've had all these ideas swarming in my head. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope to be updating some more this week. Please review and tell me your thoughts and suggestions. Take care everyone!**


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